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Making Progress

I skipped a few days, but got back into the gym today. Making steady progress toward my goal of 30 minutes on the treadmill. (Sorry for the blurry pic)

 

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I Worked Out… Twice!!

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Sooo, I’m super excited because I FINALLY made use of my gym membership and worked out on Saturday and then again this morning!!

How I got past the anxiety: I did what I always do–research. I watched a treadmill tutorial (I know, I know, but stuff like how to work the treadmill really worries me) and studied the peak times so I wouldn’t arrive to find all of the equipment occupied. And then, I just did it!

The first day was hard since I hadn’t done any form of exercise in a long time. I walked 0.18 miles in about ten minutes and said YOLO about the cool down. My little feet were killing me!

This morning, I improved by leaps and bounds! I walked 0.37 miles in eleven minutes and did the complete cool down!

I can’t wait to see how much progress I make when I go back on Friday!!

I think I can do this!!

Talk to y’all later🙂

Long Time, No Blog

I know, I know… it’s been a while. I’m sure you’re thinking you’re going to get some report about how much weight I’ve lost or see some dramatic before and after pictures or see a video of me triumphantly declaring that I’ve reached my weight loss goal and have met and married the man of my dreams and we’re on a plan on our way to Fantasy Island or some crap like that.

Think again.

I’m still fat and single and frustrated.

As a matter of fact, I’ve gained weight since I last posted a blog.

So why in the world am I writing this? Why would I want to share such news?

Well, on my way home from visiting my grandchildren who live across town, I had an epiphany. Yes, another one. I was listening to Erykah Badu sing “Other Side of the Game” (which has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m about to say) and it hit me. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

Like, at all.

Oh, I know how to take care of absolutely everyone else in my life. But when it comes to me, all I know how to do is half do things and sacrifice. I’m an excellent giver, a poor taker. As a matter of fact, I hate accepting help. I’d rather suffer in silence any day than to ask for help.

I’d rather be the problem-solver than the one who has the problem even though at my size, it is more than evident that I have a big problem with my health.

And I don’t want to die. Not any time soon. So, what do I do?

I’m praying and seeking knowledge on how to take care of myself because this former RN just doesn’t know. I don’t know how to put myself first. I don’t know how to say, “No, I won’t change my plans to accommodate you.” I don’t know how to choose what’s best for me. It’s sad, but true. But the funny thing is, everyone around me has no problem doing just that. I guess being a single mother has ruined me and thinking of myself first is something I’ve got to learn.

Well, that’s all I wanted to share. Just had those thoughts in my head and needed to empty them out.I pledge to do better with this blog as it helps me to write these things down. It helps to share my feelings.

Oh, and I joined a fitness club. Now to fight through this anxiety and actually go and work out. Pray for me.

 

-Adrienne

Fun and FREE workout ideas!

Hey, long time no blog. But I’m still holding on and pushing forward. Over the past year, I’ve lost somewhere around 30 pounds and have only gained 1 pound back, and let me tell you, that is a MAJOR improvement from the yoyo weight roller coaster I rode in the past. Anyway, I wanted to share a great and free workout option that has helped me along the way.

I’m a starving artist, you know. And I often struggle to make ends meet, so a gym membership is not an option for me right now. Also, I had become burnt out with walking for exercise, so I was very excited when my daughter told me about these Just Dance YouTube videos she found. So I started dancing along with them, and it is so fun! No, I don’t get to rack up points, but I still enjoy learning the moves.

Here’s one of my favorites:

Also, if you search YouTube, you can find other great workout options like this Zumba workout that I did just this morning:

That’s all for now. I hope this helped someone. Until later… be blessed!

Tune in!!

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TONIGHT, at 7:00 PM Eastern, I will be discussing The Enemy In The Mirror (self-esteem and self-criticism) with Parker J Cole, host of THE WRITE STUFF radio show on Blog Talk Radio. Be sure to tune in!! Here’s the link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wluv103/2014/06/03/the-enemy-in-the-mirror–write-stuff–632014

If you are unable to tune in tonight, just follow the link to listen to the podcast later on.

BeYOUtiful

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Several years ago, a relative said something to me that seemed to be the theme of my life at that time and before then and even many years after. At that time, I was enrolled in nursing school while trying to work part-time and raise my three children as a single mother with a little help from my family. It was a very stressful period of my life. Things were not easy, but I knew this was something I needed to do in order to take care of my kids. Yes, I was receiving child support at the time, but it wasn’t nearly enough money to really take care of my kids, though I was thankful to receive it.

 

One day I was visiting my grandmother. She asked me about school and I told her I was doing well. I had a 4.00 despite all of the responsibility I was having to shoulder virtually on my own. I was proud of myself until she responded with, “Well, that’s good. I just wish you could lose that weight.”

 

My face fell along with my heart. Maybe she meant well. I don’t know. What I do know is that comments like that served to shape my perception of myself. A perception that screamed, “No matter what you do in life, you are never going to be good enough because you are fat!”

 

I wholeheartedly believed this. How could I not when person after person honed in on my weight over and over again–relatives, strangers, lovers. I disliked myself and disliking yourself is a horrible place to be in. It leads to self-destruction. It didn’t motivate me to eat less, it motivated me to eat more to try and ease the hurt and pain of being rejected over and over again because of my appearance. While I really believe that many of these people were trying to help me, their delivery was off. Like they say, it is often not what you say, but how you say it. I actually had some people say to my face, “You sure have gotten fat.”

 

Recently, I came to a realization. People who don’t like themselves will not be motivated to help themselves. Self-love and self-respect are vital parts of changing one’s life for the better, and as long as those two things were lacking in my life, I would never truly be able to improve myself. That realization prompted me to change my focus from losing weight to learning to love and accept myself for who I am at any size.

 

I am learning to love myself more and more with each day. And lo and behold, with that increase in love, is an increased desire to be healthier. I no longer have a weight loss goal, I have a goal to eat healthier and to breathe easier. I don’t just want to be thinner, I want to be healthier because I love me enough to want better for me.

 

For years, I believed that I couldn’t be happy unless I was skinny. Today, I know that I must do everything in my power to be happy NOW for tomorrow is not promised. I have learned to drown out the voices of the critics. I have learned to distance myself from negativity. I accept me no matter who doesn’t and that has made all the difference in the world.

 

 

 

 Photo by Mattox via http://www.freeimages.com/

 

Here We Go Again…

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Photo courtesy of channah  at sxc.hu

Over the past 15 months, I’ve been living a dream I didn’t even realize could come true. I’ve been working as a full time author, sustaining my lifestyle almost solely using book royalties. But how many of you know that even living a dream can cause stress? There was the stress of the fear of not selling enough books to make it. There was the stress of the possibility of not having what I once believed was the “secure” income that accompanied a “regular” job. I no longer had the money to blow off that my RN job provided me with. It felt like my future and my present were in the hands of the world’s readers. I felt like I had absolutely no control over my circumstances and it stressed me to the max.

It kept me awake at night. It drove me into working all of the time. It kept the wheels in my head spinning constantly. Though I had escaped the stressful prison of my former 9 to 5, I had fallen right back into the trap of stress. It was almost automatic, like an addiction of some sort. Wait…. addiction? That was it! I had lived in that white-knuckled, anxiety-riddled world of stress for so long that it was second nature for me to find my way back to it. How would I exist otherwise? Stress had been my bedfellow since I was a little girl and would experience so much anxiety at the thought of going to school, I’d have diarrhea and would have to miss the day altogether. I worried myself into headaches as a child. Those headaches turned into high blood pressure as an adult.

Don’t get me wrong, apart from a couple of slim months, things have been fine financially. I live in the same home, drive the same car, have food and clothes. Book sales are good. I’m gaining new readers every day. But there’s always the thought in the back of my mind… what if? What if everything falls apart What then? What if, what if, what if? Can you see how this could drive a person insane or at least drive them to find a source of relief from this self-torture? Can you see how this could drive a person to eat when eating has always been what comforted them?

Last year, I lost around 20 pounds because, for a while, I was truly at peace with my life. I was enjoying my new career and I hadn’t let the stress eat at me. Then, very recently, I caved. I worried myself into gaining about five of those pounds back.

Intellectually, I know that worrying is a waste of time. It is likened to cashing a check that hasn’t even been written yet. In short, it is stupid. I know this. I know it in my mind. I just wish my heart would get the message.

Don’t worry. I’m not giving up. I’m celebrating the fact that I recognized the problem before things completely fell apart. So I’m putting Pharrell’s “Happy” on repeat and I’m praying that God will help me break this horrible cycle I’m caught in.

Onward and upward! Until later… be blessed.

Today’s Featured Author: Adrienne Thompson

Today’s Featured Author: Adrienne Thompson.

Day 6

Changed up my walking route today. Did a lot of thinking. Feeling good physically. Just wish I could get my mind together. Stressing and worrying way too much. Oh, well. One day at a time.

Still on!

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Day 4

Completed my walk. It was hard, but I did it. I’m tired, but I did it. I always feel better the days that I exercise. It’s just so hard when I’m in the middle of the walk. Powering through.

Talk to y’all later.

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